Managing Conflict in Intimate Relationships

            I learned a lot about my relationship with my husband in the section. When talking about the four common categories of events that instigate conflict I have realized that the conflicts for us are:

·         Rebuffs: I have found that if I say something about how my rough day, and was expecting a hug. I don’t get one. He just says or that sucks and walks away. When he says something about his day I say something supportive and give a hug and a kiss.

·         Cumulative Annoyances: My husband has so many of these, where do I start. He leaves his pop cans and pop bottles lying around. He does not rinse them out and put them in the recycling. He does not put his wet shoes on the rug by the door; he leaves them on the tile floor by the door.

·         Criticism: this is another thing that we do. I am trying to get better at this. When he is cooking something and messes up just a little. I will say something like “can’t you read? It says half a cup right there. You need to read the directions better.” I am working on it to say something like oh well it happens, it will still taste good.

If my husband was to read these four common categories of events, he would say illegitimate demands are another one, I don’t think it is. He doesn’t have very many things to do around the house. I will ask him to take garbage out and unload the dish washer. (Both are his chores.) He will say “I can’t do everything” I usually remind him that he can take over my chores and I can take over his. (I have more chores.)

When I get angry with him I run, walk, go somewhere by myself, and we talk about things that make me angry or annoy me. We never take it out on each other and make something that is so small into a bigger conflict.